So what does that have to do with unconditional love? In New Age circles, you often see and hear the words "light and love". Even in Christian circles it's not uncommon to overhear someone say "I love you, brother." This is probably true in other spiritual traditions, as well. Again, what does it all mean?
Many believe that love=feel good emotions. If you feel fuzzy, you're in love. If you feel a rush of adrenaline, you're in love. In my opinion, while emotions may accompany love, the former is probably phileo while the latter is probably eros. How do I know? Well, if a person is operating in phileo, they like the individual. The person is seen as a friend and confidante. But what happens if this friend betrays you? All of a sudden, the warm fuzzies are gone. You feel betrayed. The love you felt, while valid, was conditional Likewise, if you have the hots for your love, but find out that they chew on their toenails or shower once a week, you may find that erotic love wane. Why? It was based on conditions.
Both eros and phileo has its place. But I feel some confuse agape with the other two loves, and vice versa. For example, humans can be very vengeful, seeking retribution for the smallest of slights. So some traditions fashion God in their own image (as opposed to them being fashioned in the image of God). God is therefore angry, punitive, and (ironically) unforgiving. A fiery, endless hell is also fashioned along the same lines. On the flip side, some believe that if they don't "feel" in love anymore, they no longer are. With divorce rates over 50%, perhaps individuals make this choice based on "feelings". However, feelings are conditions.
I feel that agape is about choice. What makes agape difficult, though, is that there can be no true choice without awareness. As the ego keeps us asleep to our true Nature, we are like emotional pinballs at the mercy of every emotional ping and reaction. Agape loves because it chooses to--because that is its nature. It is not swayed, deflected, or deflated based on emotions or whims.
Remember the "sloppy agape" I talked about? "Stupid love"? I believe this occurs when a person tries to operate out of agape because it's what they've been taught ("good little wives take everything their husband's dish out") or because they're operating out of the other two loves. Love is certainly blind--and that is because phileo and eros are conditional. "But I love him", the wife says through shattered teeth and bloodied nose. A missing element of love, especially agape, is the love of self. Jesus said "Love your neighbor as yourself" I don't believe you can truly love another with agape until you first love yourself. Again, the ego is a big obstacle to self love, saying it's not "spiritual" to love yourself. But Jesus himself displayed again and again the concept of "holy selfishness". (Remember how he withdrew from the crowds so he could be alone to pray? That was loving, and honoring self. He knew where his power came from.) If you allow yourself to be abused and disempowered, you lack love for yourself.
Agape is blind, too, because it doesn't hold things against a person. It sees past the exterior and past the offensiveness. However, you can love a person, and yourself, without subjecting yourself to abuse and disempowerment. It may not be easy, and that is the path to consciousness, awareness, and enlightenment may be arduous.
One of the most beautiful portrayals of unconditional love is I Corinthians 13:
"If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. 2 If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. 3 If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.
4 Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, Doesn't have a swelled head, 5 Doesn't force itself on others, Isn't always "me first," Doesn't fly off the handle, Doesn't keep score of the sins of others, 6 Doesn't revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, 7 Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end.
8 Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. 9 We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. 10 But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled. 11 When I was an infant at my mother's breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good. 12 We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us! 13 But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love." (The Message translation).
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